North Star
by KeepSaying
Summary: "You are my North Star. You are my starting point and you're my end point." Some context for Kurt's wedding video speech. Set between their engagement and Jane leaving. One-Shot.


**A/N** : So I might've rewatched all eight episodes of season three yesterday when I was procrastinating and I always get hung up on the 'North Star' part in Kurt's wedding video speech because I'm missing context... that's why I tried to provide it. I actually wanted to end it on the happier note but somehow my muse didn't want that. Enjoy reading and let me know what you think :) x

* * *

Jane moved her head a little to the left only to find her fiancé staring at the dark road ahead of them in deep concentration, his shoulders clearly as tense as the frown that hadn't left his forehead since the sun had set a little over two hours ago. She had asked him three times if she should drive because she had gotten in some sleep earlier but he stubbornly refused to give up the steering wheel, telling her that he could do the two hours left on their trip.

They were going to Colorado, visiting Allie and Bethany for the first time since their engagement. Gazing down on her hands currently resting in her lap she admired the ring Kurt had placed on her finger just a little over two weeks ago in Venice and as had become the norm whenever she did so, she felt her heart swell in her chest with love for the man sitting beside her.

Carefully, so not to pull him out of his thoughts too abruptly, she moved her left hand to rest on his thigh, giving it a squeeze and relishing in seeing his lip turn up in a tiny smile when he shot her a quick look. His hand found hers and he threaded his fingers through hers while she, once more, admired the softness in which he always addressed her in.

The last few weeks had been stressful to say the least. After their vacation and engagement both work and wedding planning had taken up most of their time and just when they had felt as if they could breathe again something else had come up demanding their attention and she knew they were both running on low batteries. Hell, hadn't they promised to get to Colorado today so they could make the most of their weekend with the toddler they wouldn't even had had the energy to get into the car after work.

But they had and now here they were, running on their last energy and when Jane saw Kurt blink rapidly for the second time in less than a minute she knew they had to take a break and switch again.

Tapping their intertwined hands against his thigh she told him to pull over and he did without hesitation, sighing and closing his eyes for just a tiny second when he had put the car in Park.

"It's a really long drive" he spoke, his voice hoarse from not talking for a few hours.

Jane nodded in agreement. "Let's take a quick break, walk a few steps to get a little oxygen into our brains and muscles" she replied letting go of his hand to unbuckle her seatbelt before stepping out of the car.

The warm yet refreshing late spring air hit her nostrils and she already felt her spirits revive after the longtime of sitting. With a few steps around the car she met Kurt in front of it, sinking into him as he wrapped her in a embrace with his strong arms. She smiled against his chest, breathing in his scent and feeling the connection bringing her new energy.

They stayed in that position for a while and when Jane moved out of his embrace she took his hand in hers, looking up at the sky. There was not a cloud in sight, the moon and the stars shining brightly down at them. She felt Kurt move behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her head.

"Look up" she ordered him softly when she felt him grow stiller again.

He did as he was told and Jane turned in his arms to watch him watch the sky. His tired expression softened and the frown had left his features as he stood there, staring up.

"It's beautiful" he replied looking back down at her and dropping a quick kiss to her lips "Just as you are, my love."

She smiled at that and looked back up as well. "Do you know what that is?" she asked, pointing upwards, letting him follow her lead.

"A constellation?" He tried but she knew he didn't know for sure what she was pointing at exactly which was, admittedly kind of hard.

"No.. well, yes. But I mean a certain star. The North Star. Can you see it?"

She watched his serious face as he searched the sky before he shook his head. "I know it's got something to do with the Big and Small Dipper but I'm completely lost with stars, if I'm being honest."

"You see this square with some sort of handle on it, there?" she wanted to know, pointing towards it until she saw him murmur his affirmation "That's Ursa Major… Or at least part of it. Or the Big Dipper if you want to call it that" she told him "And there, can you see the two outermost stars? They're called the 'pointers'."

"They point to the North Star?" he wanted to know, his gaze hefted on to the stars she was talking about while he pulled her close to his chest once more, folding his arms over her stomach.

"Yes" she bobbed her head, tickling his nose with her unruly locks "They're in a straight line with Polaris, the North Star, which is part of Ursa Minor – the Small Dipper. Can you see it?"

"I think I've found it" Kurt nodded "So that's north over there?" It made sense when he considered that they had been driving west all day and that the star was to their right.

"Yeah" she whispered, clearly fascinated and her quietness made him hug her more tightly to his chest.

"How do you know all of that?" he whispered into her ear, feeling her squirm at the tickle and placing a kiss to her temple.

For a moment she didn't reply and he was about to apologize for the question, maybe it had brought up some unpleasant memories, when her soft voice broke through the darkness.

"I'm not sure… But ever since I've seen it for the first time I've always had a feeling… I've always felt more secure when I could see it. As if it was a beacon… giving me direction when I didn't even know who I was myself" her voice broke off and she turned around in his arms once more, looking up at him "I couldn't see it that often in the city but whenever I could… It's called the guiding star."

"You know what?" he whispered back, meeting her gaze and holding it with his eyes full of his love for the precious woman in his arms. She shook her head and he smiled "You are my North Star" he said simply "You're my beacon, helping me be the best version of myself, guiding my way, being by my side wherever I am. And I love you more than words can say."

"I love you, too" she whispered back, her voice thick with emotion and he could see tears glisten in her eyes.

Kurt pressed a kiss to her nose and nuzzled his nose into her hair once more before slowly letting go of her so they could drive on but he made a silent promise to do his best to make her see the North Star as often as he could.

* * *

Kurt was feeling giddy. He had been feeling giddy all day.

It was their wedding day and from the moment he had woken up, with Jane's head resting on his chest, through the chores of getting ready, the wedding ceremony with his bride looking up at him with stars in her eyes, the cake cutting and the dancing - it had been perfect.

He had had his heart in his throat and Jane by his side for the entirety of it and he couldn't think of a day that could possibly be more pure and flawless. But now he had stolen away for a minute and it had been harder than he had expected. Jane was currently playing with Bethany and Kurt felt the love for the most important women in his life filling his entire body.

Which was exactly why he had gone in search of the video booth they had set up for their guests to use to do the groundwork for the video compilation they had arranged with the videographer. He wanted to say a few words to his wife – _Jane, his wife_ – to surprise her next year around this time when they would watch it together for their anniversary.

Kurt had never been good with words but as always Jane was different. When he thought about her, he knew exactly what to say and how to express what he felt – even if he never did manage to tell her how much he loved her exactly. And just like that the words fell from his lips and he could feel himself tearing up even as he tried opening with a joke.

"I can't believe how lucky I am" he said sincerely, trying to get his feelings under control enough to utter a single sentence. "I love what we've become. I love the person… the _man_ that you make me."

He felt the tears in his eyes and he blinked them away, thinking of every moment they had experienced together, all the things that brought them here, all the good things they had done together and everything that was still to follow.

"You are my North Star" he said, his voice rough as he tried to put all his love and devotion – more than he had ever thought he could even feel – for this one person into his speech. She was his beacon, his light house, his compass, his home. She was everything.

He remembered the moment in her safe house, in a different life time, when she had looked up at him with her big green eyes both scared and absolutely certain as she had taken his hand to put it over her heart. "You're my starting point" he summarized softly "and you're my end point."

* * *

He was alone and he couldn't sleep.

It had been four months but he still couldn't fathom sleeping in their bed without her. Whenever he was in New York, as he was now, he would sleep on the couch or just wouldn't sleep at all. Sleep never came easy, no matter where he was but being home was so much worse. Having all the memories of her in their apartment and in his arms was unbearable when he couldn't reach out and feel her again.

Still, he had to come back every once in a while to check in with Reade and Hirst to see if there had been a new development and to open the latest letters that kept being sent to the apartment in the city after he had moved back from Colorado.

It had been a long day and he figured he had an even longer night ahead of him. Sighing he looked down the street from the balcony of the apartment, considering what he could do with his time now that even the city that never slept had grown quieter. He wasn't in the mood to go out for a drink, he wasn't in the mood to do anything if he was being honest but he had to get out of here otherwise the walls around him would come crumbling down sooner rather than later and he couldn't let that happen. He needed all of his strength to find Jane.

So he slipped into his boots and his jacket, grabbing his car keys from the counter before heading out, not sure where he wanted to go. Once he had stepped outside, though, he could see that it was an uncharacteristically cloudless night for New York and that was when he knew where he was headed.

Kurt got into his car and started driving. He wasn't sure how long it took him but he only stopped once he saw the lights of the city fade behind him and when he got out of the car he was surrounded by absolute darkness… the stars and the moon in the sky as his the only light source.

Dropping down into the grass a few feet away from the big vehicle he let his eyes roam the sky until he had found the Big Dipper, making out the pointers and following them until his eyes fixated on Polaris, the North Star, the guiding star. He had never gotten quite as fast in making out the different constellations and stars as Jane but she had taught him to find this one star, saying that maybe he would need it to find his way back home one day.

She had laughed then, her eyes twinkling brighter than the brightest star he'd ever seen but now his eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he thought back to it. If only the star could help him find his way to her, the only home he had ever known and the only one he cared about.

As always when he looked up at the stars he found himself wondering if maybe she was doing the same thing, looking at the same star and thinking about him.

He clutched her wedding band to his chest, closing his eyes whispering "Please come back" for the thousandth time.

"I'm lost without you."

* * *

Kurt didn't know it but somewhere in a small shack in Romania, in the middle of nowhere, Jane was watching the same sky, looking at the same star whispering her own prayers. That she loves him and that she wants – needs – him to be save and happy even if she would never be as happy without him.

She had never told him but he had quietly become her North Star as well, guiding her when she was lost. Until she had to leave him and find her own way. Now it felt as if the whole world had turned dark once more without him in it and the only hope she could find was in a cloudless night like this, hoping he was looking at the same sky, thinking about her as well.


End file.
